Recently I had an experience that gave me a wonderful opportunity for self exploration. I had an interaction with someone that reached in and touched the scared little girl in me. The girl still absorbed in trauma and cycles of the past. The little girl longs to be heard. Longs for this person to understand how their poor choice of words hurt. That a simple change of approach could have been more diplomatic.
I have sat with the little girl. I have listened to her. I hear her pain and I acknowledge where it comes from. What study and practice has taught me is that I can listen to her. I can hear her. I do not need to let her guide my interactions with others. I do not need to make others understand her pain nor is it her job to show others their wrongs.
I can choose inner peace, balance and calm. I can choose to serve the greater good. “But you’re not sticking up for yourself” screams the hurt little girl. In choosing not to react I am sticking up for myself, the me I want to be. The me that hears the little girls pain, accepts it as it is and chooses not to change my present peace by repeating patterns of my past.
I am giving myself the gift of time, meditation and contemplation. Finding my breath and catching my swirling thoughts. With each moment the pain lessons, the thoughts swirl less. The little girl is heard, I hear her, I sit with her. I do not suppress her to have her rise unexpectedly later to lash out. I am not burying any emotions but choosing just to sit with them and give them space.
This opportunity is a cross roads for me. I can easily forget all I have learned and lash out or I can choose the path of serving the greater good. This is an opportunity for growth. I sit and I contemplate “which actions and words serve the greater good in this situation?”
I choose to accept myself, whole and complete just as I am. Scared little girl, confident warrior and all of the parts in between. I choose to honor myself by continuing this journey towards light and love. I give myself permission to make mistakes. I am grateful for this opportunity. I read recently that every yoga pose has 4 parts, coming into the pose, being in the pose, coming out of the pose and being in between poses. Right now I feel I am in the pose, in the challenge. I will find a steady breath and honor this practice.