Thich Nhat Hahn writes about us having seeds inside. These seeds can be of many kinds, ancestral, cultural, experience… many of which we have no control over, we did not plant many of these seeds ourselves. When I first pondered the fact that I can choose which seeds to water I thought that was profound but it was not a complete solution for me. Many of my own seeds were planted by force. These seeds were surrounded in dark emotions and that even the thought of not watering them was not enough to quench the fiery feeling in my belly.
Another teacher, Nikki Myers, taught me that becoming whole means learning to accept all the pieces of you, even the ones that might generate dark emotions. Nikki also taught that you know you have integrated these memories when you can discuss them without a visceral feeling. As I still have a visceral reaction to many memories I know that I still have much work to do.
Recently I have been pondering the idea of visualizing those seeds. Of course as soon as I do I see angry red little seeds with long entangled roots. When I think of the garden metaphor and choosing only to water the flowers not the seeds, well has anyone ever done any gardening? Seriously, if you want to make the flowers grow you have to tend to the soil constantly. Watering the seeds of the flowers and not the weeds is basically impossible! I have had many a weed in my actual garden that has choked out the flowers, I have had poison ivy kill trees! So what to do?
I decided to try infusing my entire garden with love. My own love. I did not choose many of my seeds and many of my seeds have caused me much suffering, but, I can visualise wrapping them in unconditional love. My visualization (in meditation):
I picture the deep fertile soil in my garden, for me this rests in my lower stomach. I see many seeds of different shapes, colors and sizes. I no longer try to cognitize which is which just try to picture the variety and let go of any memories that might pop up. Many of the angry red ones seem to have very tangled roots and I just picture it. This often brings real heat to my stomach but I sit with it. Then I picture wrapping all of my seeds in a vibrant green energy. I let go of any idea of trapping or removing the weeds and just let them be wrapped in a vibrant green. Green is the color I associate with unconditional love. I see it vibrating around each seed and each seed just doing it’s thing. Some are growing flowers, some weeds, some seem to wither, some seem to bloom. I just let the garden be the garden without trying to be the judge of which seed is right or wrong. If I stick with it long enough, I start to notice a lessening of heat in my stomach. More and more I am noticing a softening in my stomach, and less visceral reaction to many memories.
An interesting side note is that during this work I have had some crazy dreams. Extremely vivid and I feel like I have had a workout during my sleep.
Try wrapping your seeds with love, let me know how it goes!